The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
