Barsexuality is the new black.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
