So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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