I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize