I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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