you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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