dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize