Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
