are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I deserve this hangover.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
