He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
