forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
