I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
