Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
