I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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