Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize