I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
