Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
