He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
