Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize