After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
