I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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