I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
