on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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