Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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