So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
