Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
