I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
