I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You are the jesus of drinking
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
