I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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