I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
