dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
