I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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