Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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