I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
