I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Life is so much better after having sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
