dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
