after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
