Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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