You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
