You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
