Screwed.edu
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
