covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
