he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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