This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize