no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I did not marry a roomba.
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