Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
