I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
