Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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