I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
