i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize