i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need a beard to bite.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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