she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
