i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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