We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
