Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
