im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
