I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
