i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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