how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
