also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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