AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
