Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
