My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
