Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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