There is no way he is gay with that hair.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
