I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
