Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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