I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
