I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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